I’ve learned that life will leave you stressed out, it will beat you up, give you scrapes, cuts and bruises. You can’t make everyone happy, nor can you rely on anyone else to make you happy. You have to do that yourself. Life is what you make of it. You need to live life and be happy. It’s about the people you love, and the people that love you. Do not think of yesterday but look forward to tomorrow. Sometimes events of today will affect us so strongly that it seems impossible to do that. These are events that leave wounds and abrasions that need to be bandaged. Finding the right bandages is the problem because each of our injuries are unique.
Why do we feel that when something bad happens a shower will wash it all away, tomorrow we will forget about it after a good night’s sleep, that someone else can make us forget, time will heal our wounds, a brisk walk will let us clear our heads and everything will be ok?
What is it about human beings not being able to release themselves from an event. If only we were like elephants and keep only a small bit of information for a short while. Would be better off? How would our lives be if we could let go completely without carrying that small portion of memory with us?
Unfortunately life is not as easy as that and it is not the case. Whether something good or something bad, the truth or a lie that happens to us we carry a little piece of it with us everywhere we go. The event is now a part of us. We never forget no matter how much time passes. That one single event is always carried on our shoulders. It effects our decisions, our interactions with others and even how we carry ourselves day to day.
If it is a negative event, no matter how much we fight it and try to put it behind us something in our day to day going about will trigger it, set it off, bring it out and let it affect us. It scares us and beats us up. Sometimes we can’t sleep because we can’t shake it from our minds. It can even be something so small and miniscule like a smell, a street name, a color of a certain object. Or it can be something on a larger scale such as an event, a sport, a day. No matter how large or small the trigger is it can have a huge effect on someone.
How does one let go? How does one move on past an event that has had such an impact on our daily lives? We can try and distract ourselves with friends, events, or even work but in the midst of all the distraction we surround ourselves with there will be a second, minute, or even a pause in between documents that we catch ourselves thinking of the exact thing we were trying to distract ourselves from.
The truth is absolute. I believe that. However sometimes it’s more hot and cold and more painful than we could ever imagine. Sometimes it can even be more painful than any lie. How does one forgive when the truth has been brought to the surface or a lie has been uncovered?
Forgiveness is said to be the mental, emotional and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution (Wikipedia.org, 2007). Most religions around the world teach that forgiveness should be given when you are wronged. For Christians it is taught that forgiveness is a spiritual duty that one must perform. Two distinct verses in the Bible that state this are quoted as,
"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (Mark 11:25)
That is easier said than done for most people. How does one possibly dig deep enough when they have been hurt so badly to forgive another? Does one forgive easier if the person that has wronged them admits in their wrong doing? I believe so. It is a relief to know that they themselves know they have done you wrong. This also helps reassure that the offending act will not be repeated again. One of the biggest fears for someone thinking of forgiving is the thought that it may happen again to them.
However, forgiveness can be granted with or without the wrong doer asking for it or apologizing for their wrong doings. This often occurs when someone realizes that the act or event is in the past, it cannot be changed and nothing in the future can be done to correct the wrong doings. Forgiveness then can be a gift that will help the person heal and step past the negative emotions that they may be carrying with them.
With all this I have come to one simple conclusion. We can’t forget and we as humans will always hold on to things. A lot of things in life take time. healing wounds being one of those things. We all know that and we knowthat you can bandage them up, put all kinds of antibiotics on them and they can still get infected. The wounds that don’t heal are the ones that kill us. Eat away at us and never let us live our lives to their fullest. Since each wound is different I now try to find a unique way to heal each and every one of them. I now try to embrace the scars that I have been left after they have healed. Trust me, I have gotten burned, cut, and bruised many times in my 27 years, but the scars that have been left behind are a part of what makes me who I am today.
Because these scars that were once wounds are a part of of what makes me who I am today that no matter how much I have been hurt at times, how much pain I have felt or tears that I have shed I will always find a way, in my own time to forgive. A way to bandage them up and prepare myself for the next wound that will be inflicted on me. This is because life always moves forward, you just need to let it and not look back and dwell on your pain. The pain will eventually subdue with a little love, tenderness and care. Life isn’t simple, it is hard and it is what you make of it. If you dwell on the past and let it affect your future you are going to get a wound that won't heal and it will eat away at you forever. So take the time to heal. You can't change what happened to you but you can move forward to what is in store for you next. The Canadian Sprinter Perdita Felician has been quoted saying that "I have learned there are only some things I can control, there are many more that come into play that I cannot. If i gripe or let it go, the result is the same. I choose to let it go. Letting it go leaves me at peace."